Marriage

I decided to catch a bus – better than catching some things – and take a ride over to see the new location of the coffee shop, where I will be spending some time having conversation with Chinese students, and Giano’s, where I will eat sometimes. Originally the coffee shop, known as Mr. Mai’s, was on the second floor, right above Giano’s. Their leases expired at the end of the year and they were told to move. The building next to them had space that had not been built out yet on the back side away from the street, but on the business sidewalk. They were able to work out a nice design and moved there. We will cover the move in a future blog entry.

I spent some time at the coffee shop talking with the employees and then joined a table of students for some conversation. When it was time for supper I excused myself and went next door to Ginao’s for supper. Jane, the owner and a friend of mine, joined me for some good conversation. She knows me well enough to share some of her deep thoughts and concerns and today was no exception.

She lived in Japan for a time and married a Japanese man and then they moved to New York City where he had a very good job and wanted to stay there and live. Jane wanted to spend some time at her home in China and would travel there quite often. She had this desire to open a small eating place in China and her husband told her to give it a try. The one she has now is her fourth.

To maintain her ability to travel to the United States, she must return twice a year to have her visa stamped. That is when she spends time with her husband. The arrangement seems to work very well for them.

I met a Chinese student three years ago that wanted to do graduate study in the US and wanted to get married and take his wife with him, but she couldn’t get a visa because so many Chinese woman fake a marriage just to get to the US and when they get here they separate for an agreed sum of money. To get around this problem they married and he left for the states. He came back a year later to get his wife at which time she was granted a visa.

I know a number of couples who marry to satisfy family pressure and then they go live and work in separate cities. Another practice is for the older man to connect with a younger woman he spends time with. One day I had a young lady at the coffee shop tell me she had been approached several times and offered a nice sum of money to be available to an older man. Another girl at the table then said that some of her dad’s friends do the same thing, but she doesn’t think her dad does.

As I write about this some people point their finger at me and ask why I spend four months each year alone in China. My counselors and I believe this is God’s will at this time. One day when the work he has assigned me to do here is finished that will change. Until then I will continue to come.