We were sitting around the table in the coffee shop having conversation when a young lady joined us. As she sat down she said, rather tenderly, “Hi Grandpa.” Several people who didn’t know me very well had kind of a puzzled look on their face. Noticing that, I decided to have conversation about that title and how it might be different in our two cultures. I saw this as a great learning opportunity for me.
First we talked about age and we all realize that my oldest grandchild is about the same age as the person who called me grandpa. Her parents are the age of my children and then they realized that I was the same age as their grandparents. As these young ladies become more acquainted with me they begin to place me beside their grandfather. As the relationship deepens they see qualities in me that are missing in their grandfathers; like respect, attention and acceptance. In this one child per family culture, a premium is placed on having a baby boy. If the baby happens to be a girl there often will be disappointment and sometimes rejection. One young lady I know was told several times by her grandfather that he wished she was a boy. In the process of helping her through this hurt I have become a grandfather to her who accepts her as the young lady she is.
As we talked about this it became clear that the thinking about this was different for the fellows. They, being male, were accepted and had no need for another grandfather figure in their life, but the females felt differently. Even though I was not a blood relative, being assigned the title of grandpa was not a problem. Here titles are assigned differently than in the states. There titles are tied to family. Here age is important. I have often asked the question, “Do you have a brother or sister?” They answer yes, but when I ask other questions I find they really are cousins. As long as they are in the family and are the same age they are considered as brother or sister. A very close friend of the father would be called an uncle. As I become close to these young ladies I am accepted and seen as “grandpa”.
As we continued the conversation, I tried to develop a summary statement. With their help I finally came up with a statement that reflects a young ladies thinking, which would be, “When I feel accepted and loved by you, that is when I want to honor you by having your permission to call you grandpa. By doing that we are, in a way, establishing a promise of, and a reminder of, a proper family relationship.” In this culture I am viewed as a family member. In the western culture the tendency is to view me as one with sensual desires. I know there are times when my wife and family might have these thoughts. My desire is to bring one of these “grandchildren” to the states for them to meet and get to know. I have been accepted here as a family member by these “granddaughters.” Could my family accept one of them as one of theirs and grow in their love for her?
First we talked about age and we all realize that my oldest grandchild is about the same age as the person who called me grandpa. Her parents are the age of my children and then they realized that I was the same age as their grandparents. As these young ladies become more acquainted with me they begin to place me beside their grandfather. As the relationship deepens they see qualities in me that are missing in their grandfathers; like respect, attention and acceptance. In this one child per family culture, a premium is placed on having a baby boy. If the baby happens to be a girl there often will be disappointment and sometimes rejection. One young lady I know was told several times by her grandfather that he wished she was a boy. In the process of helping her through this hurt I have become a grandfather to her who accepts her as the young lady she is.
As we talked about this it became clear that the thinking about this was different for the fellows. They, being male, were accepted and had no need for another grandfather figure in their life, but the females felt differently. Even though I was not a blood relative, being assigned the title of grandpa was not a problem. Here titles are assigned differently than in the states. There titles are tied to family. Here age is important. I have often asked the question, “Do you have a brother or sister?” They answer yes, but when I ask other questions I find they really are cousins. As long as they are in the family and are the same age they are considered as brother or sister. A very close friend of the father would be called an uncle. As I become close to these young ladies I am accepted and seen as “grandpa”.
As we continued the conversation, I tried to develop a summary statement. With their help I finally came up with a statement that reflects a young ladies thinking, which would be, “When I feel accepted and loved by you, that is when I want to honor you by having your permission to call you grandpa. By doing that we are, in a way, establishing a promise of, and a reminder of, a proper family relationship.” In this culture I am viewed as a family member. In the western culture the tendency is to view me as one with sensual desires. I know there are times when my wife and family might have these thoughts. My desire is to bring one of these “grandchildren” to the states for them to meet and get to know. I have been accepted here as a family member by these “granddaughters.” Could my family accept one of them as one of theirs and grow in their love for her?
