At the round table were seated a young lady to my left and one to my right. I knew from the beginning we were going to have great conversation, and indeed we did. No one else joined us for almost two hours, allowing us to discuss in depth several topics. We talked about the earthquake and how the cost in human suffering might be related to a growth of freedom in China. We talked about the grandfather – granddaughter issue that seems to involve me daily. We talked about what they thought added value to life, but the topic that impacted me the most was their candid insights about the “Other Woman”.
Tradition is strong in China for people to marry and stay married; so strong that as people age and are still single, pressure forces them to marry someone they are not in love with. In many cases, when the relation grows undesirable, they stay together because of pressure from family and because a divorce would prohibit advancement in certain jobs. This need to marry and stay married is being challenged by the inroads from the western culture, but more often than not the desire for greater enjoyment is found in an interesting way; a way that is somewhat different than in the US.
The Chinese man, who is not satisfied with his marriage, does not divorce her, but stays married, expecting his wife to care for their child(ren). He, in the meantime, has been carousing around, looking for a younger chick that he might have feelings for. He usually finds what he desires, especially if he has some money, and has his sexual and various emotional needs met by her. His wife soon figures out what he is doing, but does nothing about it because of pressure by their families to stay married.
One of the more outgoing young ladies at my table has been approached by two such older Chinese men, but refused the wealth that would be hers, understanding that she would become an object to be used not loved as she desires. She said that she would remain single before entering into such a relationship. The other young lady also had close knowledge of this because friends of her dad have this kind of a relationship. Believe me, it was a very candid conversation and caused me to do some deep introspection, resulting in some questions for our discussion.
Was I somewhat like a Chinese man? I have a wife at home, who spends time with the grandkids while I am away, who may be somewhat unhappy that her husband is in a distant land, enjoying very much this granddaughter – grandfather relationship. I clearly don’t have the sensual desire and my focus is bearing fruit for the Lord through friendship development, but there was enough parallel that I laid awake for some time that night thinking about it. What I am learning about culture and human relationships is beyond anything I could have imagined before coming to China. I long to see what I will learn in the years ahead, as I continue these in-depth dialogs with people I meet at the coffee shop.
Tradition is strong in China for people to marry and stay married; so strong that as people age and are still single, pressure forces them to marry someone they are not in love with. In many cases, when the relation grows undesirable, they stay together because of pressure from family and because a divorce would prohibit advancement in certain jobs. This need to marry and stay married is being challenged by the inroads from the western culture, but more often than not the desire for greater enjoyment is found in an interesting way; a way that is somewhat different than in the US.
The Chinese man, who is not satisfied with his marriage, does not divorce her, but stays married, expecting his wife to care for their child(ren). He, in the meantime, has been carousing around, looking for a younger chick that he might have feelings for. He usually finds what he desires, especially if he has some money, and has his sexual and various emotional needs met by her. His wife soon figures out what he is doing, but does nothing about it because of pressure by their families to stay married.
One of the more outgoing young ladies at my table has been approached by two such older Chinese men, but refused the wealth that would be hers, understanding that she would become an object to be used not loved as she desires. She said that she would remain single before entering into such a relationship. The other young lady also had close knowledge of this because friends of her dad have this kind of a relationship. Believe me, it was a very candid conversation and caused me to do some deep introspection, resulting in some questions for our discussion.
Was I somewhat like a Chinese man? I have a wife at home, who spends time with the grandkids while I am away, who may be somewhat unhappy that her husband is in a distant land, enjoying very much this granddaughter – grandfather relationship. I clearly don’t have the sensual desire and my focus is bearing fruit for the Lord through friendship development, but there was enough parallel that I laid awake for some time that night thinking about it. What I am learning about culture and human relationships is beyond anything I could have imagined before coming to China. I long to see what I will learn in the years ahead, as I continue these in-depth dialogs with people I meet at the coffee shop.
