My Desire or His Will

We all have desires and God has a will in relationship to them; “The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps” (Proverbs 16:9 NASB). With my mind I can decide if I am going to China again and if I decide to go I plan out my way. But God chose me in him before the foundation of the world and caused me to be born again and assigned to me good works that I should do for him (Ephesians 1:4; 1 Peter 1:3; Ephesians 2:10). If my desire and his will don’t mesh, life can become very difficult as I may experience his discipline or pruning as he works at bringing the two together. This is clearly seen in Romans 8:29 where God makes a promise to us that he will conform us to the image of his Son. We have a choice of working with him in the process or fighting him all the way to the finish line.

This tension between my desire and his will is always present with me as I really desire to keep the two in sync. This tension has come to the forefront concerning a possible trip next spring. Up to this point I have had peace about using my health as a measure of whether to come or not. In a way this left the choice in God’s hands. It seems as though God has change the parameters for next spring. I still have the health and sense that I have five years left to do this work, but now with a change of provision for me the question I seem to have is to determine if I am really needed here and if so are there other resources to allow me to be here.

What I want to know is am I coming to China because that is my desire or am I coming because there is a need here and God has assigned me to fill that need. To answer that question, I have been talking to God and others, seeking information that might help me find the answer. I need to hear that I am definitely needed and that there are resources available to provide for my needs. I have talked to several people in leadership positions in several organizations that I work closely with, seeking their counsel. Their response was somewhat unexpected and very humbling. Their first reaction was shock that I might not be coming back. Their second reaction was that it can’t happen and their third reaction was with God’s help and guidance we will provide for you because you are of such value to us and we believe that your work is not yet finished here.

Sensing that God wants me to move forward I will be meeting with various people to determine a way, praying that our plan would be framed around the steps God would have us take. Things have changed on this trip. I am no longer asking if they want me to teach next year. They are now asking me to come as part of their plans. I needed to know if there was a need, and, if so, is there was a resource to meet my need. I have determined that there is a need, now we need to work on providing for my needs for next spring.