Sunday was a bitter sweet day. It was sweet because of the time with Jiajing, her family and friends, but it was bitter because of other things. The most bitter overshadowed the other events and involved a little girl who was to be eleven on Monday. Each Sunday we grew closer in our relationship. This Sunday she sat behind me in church and would stand up behind me at times to whisper in my ear a hymn number or a Scripture reference I needed. She always took accurate notes about the sermon for me. The reason I know they are accurate is because two Sundays ago I was reading her two page summary and the person who preached the sermon came back to talk to me after church. I showed her what I was reading and asked if it was correct. She looked at it and was amazed and told the little girl that it was great.
I could tell that this day before her birthday was special and so was her relationship to me that morning. It was so close and tender. After the service her dad called me over to him and had his older daughter interpret for him. He asked if I had any plans for the day as he wanted me to come home with this family of nine children to celebrate his daughter’s birthday. Unfortunately they had not called me to invite me and this day Jiajing had planned in advance the big event at her house. When I said I had plans and couldn’t come, the birthday girl looked as though the life had been sucked right out of her. I can’t get the image out of my mind of her standing alone trying to understand why I would not come home with her and because of my weakness with relationships with children I didn’t have the presence of mind to go over to her and hug her and tell her I was so sorry. I ended up leaving her and her family to go home without their special guest. I so wish I could have gone with them, but they had gambled on me being free and this time I wasn’t. No matter what I think or how I pray, the pain will not leave my heart. I am now asking the Lord to teach me what I am to do in my relationship with her.
The second event also happened at church that morning. A person, who is not a believer, ended up being publically embarrassed because I was not in a position to protect her. She had planned on sitting with me to learn about a Christian service. I didn’t see her that morning and she apparently didn’t see me until they called first time visitors forward. She obeyed and went forward. If she had been sitting with me I would have kept her in her seat to protect her from what she was not ready to experience. The fear on her face, as she stood up front, told me how she felt and then when they took her back into the church with others, I knew she did not belong there. She was not ready and I felt I had let her down. I pray she gives me another chance to talk with her about that difficult experience for her and for me.
The third event happened at the entrance to my apartment building that Sunday evening. As Jiajing and her mom handed me some food they had brought along for me, we all felt the emotion surrounding our relationship and the issue of the visa. We were not ready for the day to end, but it did. It was so emotional when her mom managed to say good night in English and they turned and left to join Jiajing’s dad waiting in the car in the street.
Emotionally the day drained me. Along with security issues that have just intensified and an Internet connection that doesn’t work, I keep going only by his strength.
Remember, only four more days to the visa interview; 6/24 at 7 pm Texas time.
I could tell that this day before her birthday was special and so was her relationship to me that morning. It was so close and tender. After the service her dad called me over to him and had his older daughter interpret for him. He asked if I had any plans for the day as he wanted me to come home with this family of nine children to celebrate his daughter’s birthday. Unfortunately they had not called me to invite me and this day Jiajing had planned in advance the big event at her house. When I said I had plans and couldn’t come, the birthday girl looked as though the life had been sucked right out of her. I can’t get the image out of my mind of her standing alone trying to understand why I would not come home with her and because of my weakness with relationships with children I didn’t have the presence of mind to go over to her and hug her and tell her I was so sorry. I ended up leaving her and her family to go home without their special guest. I so wish I could have gone with them, but they had gambled on me being free and this time I wasn’t. No matter what I think or how I pray, the pain will not leave my heart. I am now asking the Lord to teach me what I am to do in my relationship with her.
The second event also happened at church that morning. A person, who is not a believer, ended up being publically embarrassed because I was not in a position to protect her. She had planned on sitting with me to learn about a Christian service. I didn’t see her that morning and she apparently didn’t see me until they called first time visitors forward. She obeyed and went forward. If she had been sitting with me I would have kept her in her seat to protect her from what she was not ready to experience. The fear on her face, as she stood up front, told me how she felt and then when they took her back into the church with others, I knew she did not belong there. She was not ready and I felt I had let her down. I pray she gives me another chance to talk with her about that difficult experience for her and for me.
The third event happened at the entrance to my apartment building that Sunday evening. As Jiajing and her mom handed me some food they had brought along for me, we all felt the emotion surrounding our relationship and the issue of the visa. We were not ready for the day to end, but it did. It was so emotional when her mom managed to say good night in English and they turned and left to join Jiajing’s dad waiting in the car in the street.
Emotionally the day drained me. Along with security issues that have just intensified and an Internet connection that doesn’t work, I keep going only by his strength.
Remember, only four more days to the visa interview; 6/24 at 7 pm Texas time.
