I have written this blog entry several times, but it seems I can’t find the right words to express what I am thinking or feeling. These thoughts and feelings relate to two families, mine and Jiajing’s, that I have close connections with and what I say will be read by people in two very different cultures who see things through a different lens.
In the graphic above, my family and western readers are located in the western culture circle. Jiajing, her family and eastern readers are in the eastern culture circle. The purpose of the graphic is to try to illustrate that there are one culture people and others with some experience with both. Living with a Chinese family has allowed me to grow in my understanding of the eastern culture. As my son, Mike, spends more time in China, his area in the “ME” portion of the graphic becomes larger as does Jiajing’s area as she lives in America. Understanding that relationships are a little different in the two cultures, try to understand how a person reading this in the left circle might have a different response than one in the right circle.
If you have been following my blog for the past several years you know about my growing relationship with Jiajing and her family. You also know that Jiajing has lived in my home for the past year and that her mom traveled with me when I returned from my last trip to China and has been living with us for the last six weeks. You also know that when I go to China, I live in the home of her family.
It has been an interesting experience to watch Jiajing find her place in the western culture and plan her direction in school. It was even more interesting to watch her mom adjust to the western culture with a vengeance. She was determined she was going to learn how to shop in our superstores and manage an American home. I walked with her through Wal-Mart one day and watched her record in her mind where everything was located. At home she quickly learned how to use the appliances and soon became very much at home in our giant kitchen compared to hers. She even learned how to use the oven and set the temperature and timer; a new experience for her since she doesn’t have an oven in China. She also learned how to use the lawn mower, take the trash to the street on Wednesdays, and get water from the hose at the side of the house. Using the central vacuum to sweep floors was different than mopping the floors.
The home I built has a small apartment upstairs where Jiajing and her mom slept and spent some time together. During the six weeks Zuhua was here, Connie was scheduled to be in Arizona caring for our two grandchildren. In Connie’s absence, Zuhua quickly assumed responsibility for preparing the meals and keeping the house clean. Without realizing it we quickly began to function as a small family, consisting of grandpa, mother and daughter. I paid the bills and recovered from pacemaker surgery and they did the shopping, prepared the meals and kept the place clean.
Like any American family, meal time was not always attended by all members. At breakfast it was normally just me. Some meals found all three of us together, but there were times when Jiajing was working that it was just Zuhua and I; this also occurs at times in China when her husband was away on a work assignment. When the three of us ate together we enjoyed conversation that was somewhat unique to this small family. We often sat for awhile after eating and talked about language, culture and other things that related to us and as we did closeness naturally developed between us. This closeness is a concern of some, but of no concern for others and no matter what I write, opinion will probably not change. There are a variety of things you have considered or have experienced that cause you to have your opinion.
When I met Jiajing that first day at the coffee shop, I had this feeling that something special was going to come of our relationship, but I had no idea it would result in such a deep connection to her and her family. The intimacy I have with Jiajing and her family has happened resulting in feelings that go deep into the heart. I find it puts me in a difficult spot at times especially when the two cultures rub together a little with me in between. What I carry in my heart and think about goes beyond my position in these two families; it includes my position in two cultures with very close friends in both. I am so close to both cultures that at times I find myself thinking about what my will would be if I were to die while serving in China. This is something that both families need to discuss and understand.
Six years ago when I said I would go on a short term mission trip to China, I never dreamed I would be as close to a Chinese family as I am today or would be wrestling with some of the things that I am. It has indeed been quite an adventure with more to follow, some which might even surprise me and maybe you.
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